Once again, I just missed winning the lottery.

I’m more than a little disappointed as I only buy lottery tickets when the payout is more than $200 million.   It seems only fair that I should win the one time I buy tickets for the year.  I mean, for the other 51 weeks in the year, I am graciously allowing everyone else to win the lotteries that are less than $200 million.

You’re welcome.

When Mr. H. realized I had bought $11 worth of tickets for this last $640 million jackpot, we engaged in our yearly lottery, logic and lightening discussion.

Mr. H.:  You know the odds are against you winning the lottery.

Me:  But, someone has to win and I don’t see why that someone can’t be me.

Mr. H.:  Well, the odds of winning are about one in 195 million. So, that means that you’re about 100 times more likely to be struck by lightening three times in a row than you are to win the lottery.

Me:  Ha.  I have you there, Mr. H.  I know I can increase my odds of getting struck by lightening by going outside in a lightening storm carrying an aluminum pole and then tying myself to a tree with said aluminum pole so that I don’t fall down the first time I get struck by lightening and am still erect for the next two strikes.

Mr. H.:  You would die if that happened.

Me:  You never said I had to be alive after being struck by lightening, so I still win.

Mr. H.:  How in the world does that help you win the lottery?

Me.  Oh, that has nothing to do with the lottery, but I wanted to help you understand how you can increase your odds.  With the lottery, I have increased my odds of winning by actually purchasing a ticket.

Mr. H.:  It think your odds of winning the lottery are about the same whether you buy a ticket or not.

Me:  Well, that’s where you are wrong.  Think about it, there is no skill to winning the lottery.  There is no geographic tendency.  The numbers drawn are random and not affected by tides or sunspots or gamma rays.  From my perspective, you either win or you lose.  See?  One of two things will happen if I buy a ticket.  I am either going to win or I am going to lose.  My odds, then, are 50/50.

Mr. H:  I am going to go mow the lawn.

<sigh>  Sometimes I wonder about him.  He just doesn’t understand logic, I guess.

Unfortunately, this year I didn’t win.

That’s too bad, because I built a spreadsheet some years ago that will kick into action the minute I match all six numbers.   When jackpots get really big, and with a 50/50 chance of winning, I get pretty anxious in the run up to the drawing.  As much as I would like to win the money, I think too much money can create a lot of havoc in people’s lives.  As a result, I worked out a way to distribute the money to friends and family so that no one is filthy rich.  Maybe dirty, but not filthy.

It’s a brilliant plan.

Here’s how it works.

You enter your winnings in the top cell and it gives you an idea of what you have to work with.

See?  It works for any amount.

Then….you identify the people you want to share your winnings with and what percentage you wish to give them:

You may need to tinker a bit with the payout, but you get the drift.

Once you have determined the share you wish to give, then you need to make a list of all the people (yep, all 25 nieces and nephews).

Once you enter your winnings, it just cascades down and automatically fills in the amount everyone would win.  (I have removed names to protect the innocent, so don’t bother trying to see if your name is on the list).

Now, all I have to do is win the lottery.

Mr. H: (upon noticing that I am sharing my handy-dandy, fool-proof lottery sharing scheme):  You shouldn’t post this.  Wonder if you win?

Me:  I have a better chance of getting bit by a werewolf.



Category: Don't Judge Me..., I'm just saying...
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(2) Comments and (2) Replies

  1. Patricia | April 14, 2012 at 9:21 am | Reply

    I have always loved this idea of yours. Hilarious post. Very Sedaris-esque.

    • jill | April 14, 2012 at 9:53 am | Reply

      Why yes, Patricia, you ARE on the list (one of the “old” friends)……

      Love you…

  2. Leslie | April 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Reply

    When you explain it like that – it makes perfect sense!

    • jill | April 18, 2012 at 9:43 am | Reply

      You clearly have an excellent understanding of higher math!!!

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